Dying to Self

So did the title of this message make you cringe, or did you think, "I can do that"?? Well, I was one who always thought, "I can die to self, for God." As a matter of fact, I was sure that I constantly died to self for God. Until last night, that is.....

So here we are on our journey to Financial Freedom and I know that this will require me to die to self in some areas relating to finances. I actually think now that we're on week 4 of our study that I am fully dead to self in this area. But, last night we had to make up a budget. A spending budget. We are doing this to ensure that we can pay off any consumer debts, both personal and business, that we may have. All in the name of obedience to God's word. Well, we came to the part of the budget that would require me to "cut back" on some spending. Now, I was fully prepared to put off most major purchases in order to become debt free. But when my husband decided that I should stop eating out, something inside of me SNAPPED! I started crying and continued into the wee hours of the morning. If you know me you know that I am not very outwardly emotional so this was way out of character for me.

Being that my husband is of the male species he wasn't very compassionate about it nor did he see my side of things at all! So there I was by myself crying over not eating out for a few months. I'll have to admit that this has sent me soul searching. Why would such a small thing have had the power to upset me SO MUCH?????

I think that first of all, I didn't realize the power position I had given money in my life. With 6 kids to tend to 24/7 I had also been drawing a huge amount of comfort from occasionally eating out. I called it, "getting a break for mom". Eating out is one of my favorite things to do. So when you put something on that kind of a pedastool in your life you're actually making it an idol. So there it was, I had made eating out an idol in my life and I never even realized it. Well, God is so precious to me. I am thankful that He will be faithful to point out idols in our lives. Since this was an idol I was unknowingly breaking a commandment, thou shalt have no other gods before me. OUCH!

So, I feel like I'm in mourning a little today. I even spoke with a few close friends this morning, just looking for sympathy. Now my prayer is that I will be able to truly lay this idol on the altar. After all, there really should NOT be anything more comforting in my life than drawing near to God. So, as I am becoming even more structured in my days (planning for all meals) I am ever more aware of God's precious comfort and presence in my life. He is teaching me to lean fully on Him when I need a break. Finding comfort in Him is the place where I want to be. Again, it's totally FREE (fat free and financially free!).

So, if you're thinking that you don't have any idols in your life, pray and ask God to show you where they are. You will probably be blown away at the idols that you never knew existed. Being free in God is a truly fulfilling place to be. So for now I'll take my comfort in His presence, until the next change surfaces. Hopefully I'll be better prepared to handle it.